A Bittersweet Goodbye

A 6 hour bus ride, two stops for food and chai, 4 hours of waiting in the Mumbai airport, 2 hours of security and immigration, a 15 hour international flight to Newark, 2 hours more of security and immigration, saying goodbye to my friends, two domestic flights home, and around six hours of sleep; you could say I'm exhausted. I've been traveling for 36 hours so far and am so close to landing in Bozeman.

Though this is my home, my friends and my family, I'm a bit nervous to go home. After being abroad for this long, home doesn't actually seem like that warm fuzzy place you go everyday. Perhaps this is because it's more of a memory and the home I've been so used to is in India. I'm sad to be leaving and nervous to return for several reasons.

I'm afraid because I really like the person I am when I'm traveling, and I really don't want to lose her. When I am reliant on myself, when I feel confident and totally capable of all that's thrown at me. When I am more thoughtful and analytical, always aware of my surroundings and thinking with a more global awareness. I've found so many new ways to entertain myself. I'm not reliant on technology, anything or anyone for that matter. My patience tolerance is remarkably higher and my attitude always seems to be more optimistic. I want to always be like this, not only when I'm traveling.

I don't want to leave because here, I've discovered that you are able to learn not solely to get a grade or pass a test. You are able to learn because you are passionate about something, because you truly and genuinely are curious and interested. I've been able to experience this new style of learning-without-consequences and it has been infinitely better than any public school system has to offer. 

I don't want to leave because though I do miss my friends and family, the bonds I've established here have been incredible. I've made new friends and a completely new family. It's much harder to leave these people because the uncertainty of when or if we'll ever meet again is constantly in the air.

I don't want to leave because I've gotten so used to living life so simply; with fewer needs and less possessions. Undeniably a shower is going to be incredible and a real mattress will be really nice, but in India I was living out of a suitcase. All I needed, I had- and nothing more. This trip has helped me realize the extent of how many things I own that are purely for the sake of enjoyment. Nothing on the basis of anything necessary for basic survival. It's made me realize how little we need to be happy. 

I don't want to leave because leaving means I have to go back to reality. I have to say goodbye to this fantasy that I've been living for six weeks and face what's ahead to come- school, college prep, tests ect... 

I don't want to leave because, as I was told would happen, I've fallen in love with India. I've realized how big, beautiful an diverse this country is and I really have only gotten a taste of it. I am so eager to explore more of what it has to offer and see more of it's beautiful sights, and meet more of its wonderful people.

Though it's sad to have left, I am so fortunate for the time I had. India has taught me so much. 

I will implement my new perspectives on a daily basis; with everything I find, and every new experience I encounter. I will appreciate all I have even more than before and be conciensious to use only what is needed. It has given me faith that all people are inheritely good, and so incredibly similar. It has taught me how big the world is and helped to put me in place of where I stand, but at the same time, it has also boosted my spirits for my possibilities in this life. India has taught me the importance of resources like food and water, and the impacts they have on people's lives. It has taught me that a place is characterized by the people inhabiting it. I've learned that not only is it possible to be happy anywhere in the world, but it is completely dependent on your mindset. 

India has taught me more about myself than I ever knew. It's helped me to pinpoint my beliefs, prioritize my goals, and to realize my passions and my interests. It has taught me to become more independent and to have more confidence in myself. It helped me discover my abilities, my limits, and ways to cope when these walls and breached. 

So, as I sit on this airplane, eating ice for the fist time in six weeks, I am looking forward to landing in Bozeman in 1 hour and 34 minutes. I do miss my friends and my family. I miss the mountains and the blue sky. 

The thing that keeps me happy about leaving my second home is the fact that I know I will soon be back.